Why Do Women Want to "Have It All?"

Last week, former State Department director Anne-Marie Slaughter's Atlantic piece "Why Women Still Can't Have It All" spurred a flurry of internet discussion: there was a nice response on why "having it all" is the wrong thing to be striving for (see the Salon response) amidst many other responses (see the NYT summary and Joanne Wilson's response).  This discussion brings up the valid point that the set of desires of "elite women*" may be unsatisfiable.  The main problem is that the outdated expectation for a woman to pair with a socially "stronger" man does not necessarily create professionally supportive relationships for ambitious women.

The assumption that the man needs to be professionally superior leads to situations in which the woman will spend more time thinking about the family.  A mentor once made the provocative statement that that if I did a startup, I would no longer be able to find a man who I respected.  When I asked why, he said that I am "biologically wired" to look for a "stronger man."  After a fair bit of self-reflection, reading about evolutionary biology, and talking to both men and women, I concluded that this "stronger man" business is based on societal constructs left over from a time when society did not allow women to provide for themselves.  I have encountered quite a few men whom I respect who have also said they are willing to make significant sacrifices towards having a family, including staying home if necessary.  I am not saying that ambitious women can only be with less ambitious men, but they should be aware of the topography of the choice space and the tradeoffs that different choices entail.

Professionally ambitious women must also make a choice about what they want to optimize: it is likely that women seeking both "power coupledom" and supportive relationship will be disappointed.  It seems that part of the desire to be part of a "power couple" is based on expectations from the days when a women did not work and a woman's success was based on how "well" she married.  In those days, ambitious men did not expect to find equally successful women: they looked for a supportive woman.  Women should be able (and allowed by society) to make this choice as well.  Women should realize that while it may be the ideal to find a successful man who is also has the bandwidth to be supportive (professionally, emotionally, etc.), this is unlikely as the selection pool can become quite small.  We can be quite happy, however, if we choose to optimize for one or the other with no illusions about what we are giving up.

It is important for a woman to realize that if she wants a "stronger" man, she should have expectations about the tradeoffs she is making.  This does not mean, however, that all women with careers must make these tradeoffs.  We have been given one view of what it means to "have it all" and it is our responsibility to question and redefine this for ourselves.

My friend Yao inspired this post with the following comment:"I wonder why women always think they must be the ones to give up their career for kids and not their husbands."

* I acknowledge that these discussions are highly heteronormative and have a relatively small target demographic.  Everything I say probably applies only to young, urban, highly-educated, heterosexual American women.

Why I Go Out

My friend Neha sent me this piece Why Go Out, in which Sheila Heti compares going out (to bars, clubs, parties, and the like*) to a cigarette habit, discusses the merits of being alone, and concludes that social interaction may be a necessary evil. While I agree that people should be honest with themselves about why they go out (to fill voids; to avoid knowing themselves), going out can provide more than just a quick fix for the voids they may be trying to fill.

I agree with the idea that being with people makes you addicted to being with people. I have found that when I have been surrounded by people, I feel more lonely when I am alone. When I have a roommate, I desire social interaction more than when I live alone. I find it important to spend time alone in order to establish the equanimity of being alone as a home base. Spending much of the week "out" certainly gets in the way of self-reflection, self-knowledge, and self-friendship.

Going out is more than a quick fix for me: it is an important part of my character development and well-being. Because of the public persona I find it important to maintain, going out forces me to act happy and carefree. Going out gets me out of my head and keeps me in practice of making small talk. It makes me realize I am not the only person in the world and that my problems are irrelevant to most people. I often feel more confident, happy, and agreeable after being out than after spending time alone or even with a close friend.

Establishing a productive framework for going out takes commitment. The more you go out, the more you get invited out, and the more people you meet. This makes you more statistically likely to attend better parties and have better friends, based on whatever definition of "better." A couple of years ago I established the rule "always go out" for weekend evenings. This has caused dramatic improvement in not just my social life but also my productivity: I am feel much happier and more creative now. Everybody wins.

And so I go out, not just out of habit, but to establish habits that bring more human connection and happiness. Yes, I would sometimes rather be at home, but it does not mean that being home is better for me.

* The "going out" Heti talks about seems to describe a specific kind of going to bars to drink and to pick up people. I also find that fairly empty and depressing; I can see how it can be addictive. As a graduate student in Cambridge I am lucky to have found the "party circuit" of grad students who go out and are also nice and interesting people. Being able to so easily "go out" among friends is not the norm.

On Individuals and Communities

I recently read David Brooks's New York Times Article "The Talent Society," which led me to read NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg's book Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone.  Brooks's article discusses how Americans are favoring the maximization of talent over locking themselves into stable, committed situations (marriage; settling down in a community).  In Going Solo, Klinenberg describes the worldwide rise of people living without family or roommates.  Factors that may be causing this include higher amounts of wealth, mass urbanization, and decreased social stigma.

At first glance, this phenomenon seems supremely sad: people are becoming self-reliant not just in their friendships (see this 2010 blog post), but also in their living situations.  Klinenberg begins the book by recounting how he got into the business of writing about living alone: during his coverage of the Chicago heat wave, he discovered that many of those who died had been living alone, with no one to look out for them.  People are living alone in part because of the disintegration of the institution of marriage, because of how long people often outlives their spouses, and because of the increased geographic mobility of family members.  Among the people Klinenberg profiles are those who live in complete isolation and people who die alone.  End-of-life is often difficult for those who live far from family members: workplace policy often does not allow time off to care for friends.

Fortunately, Klinenberg covers the many positive aspects of this shift towards living alone.  People are motivated to live alone because high income levels and mass urbanization support the fabulous lifestyles of urban singles.  People are escaping negative living situations: Klinenberg profiles many divorced people who report that living alone can be much less lonely than living with someone with whom they do not get along.  In a world with constant external stimulation, living alone allows people to take the time and space they need to relax and rejuvenate.  As people are spending more time outside of nuclear family structures, they are turning to the greater (transient) community for their social needs.

Klinenberg reveals that the community has become important in the rise of the cult of the individual.  People are not necessarily more alone: urban singles often have more active social lives than those who live with others.  In addition, collective housing is starting to become more popular outside of the United States.  Klinenberg describes a collective housing unit for singles in Finland where people have the option to, but are not obligated to, participate in activities with their housing community.  Instead of turning to nuclear families for support, people are becoming increasingly reliant on a larger and more transient group.

In the upcoming decades, it will be important to structure our society to allow people to happily live alone together.  This will involve examining housing structures, social policy, and expectations about how social needs are to be met.  It seems that as long as we make sure groups such as the anti-social and aging are not left behind, our society can continue to move from one based around the nuclear family to one based on pursuing individual goals in the context of transient but supportive communities.

The Life of an Academic, Explained

A friend who was dating a post-doctoral researcher at the MIT Media Lab once said, “Jean, please explain to me your life. I don’t understand you academics.” This post is intended for those considering relationships with academics, those thinking about becoming academics, and those bewildered family members of academics.

In this post "academic" mostly refers to "graduate student" but some of the things I say seem to apply to more senior academics (professors, researchers) as well.

How we spend our time. On a typical weekday, I wake up at some point and go into the office. Depending on my meetings and other activities, I go to yoga or for a run before or after this. I usually spent 7-10 hours in my office, depending on how much I slack off and how long it takes for me to finish my major tasks. I try not to work on weekends (at most a few hours) so I can recharge for the upcoming week. My schedule is similar to those of my friends in math/science at Harvard/MIT. Experimental scientists spend more time in lab.

My free time includes meals (which I often spend with friends), 1-2 hours each evening, and weekends. I usually spend my evenings and some part of each weekend pursuing my hobbies, which include reading, blogging, doing things related to women in tech, and a rotating other activity. I spend Friday and Saturday evenings with friends.

My MIT grad student friends have on average 1.5 serious non-research hobbies. Common hobbies include running/biking, doing outdoors activities, doing recreational programming, starting a company, and spending time with a significant other and/or children.

The social life of an academic usually depends on level of introversion. Some academics never leave their offices while others are out 3-7 nights a week. Regardless of whether they do it while socializing or in lab, academics tend to value their wind-down mechanisms.

All of this only holds during times of the year without deadlines.

Advisors. During grad school orientation, I was told that my relationship with my advisor would become more important and demanding than any other relationship in my life. This was no exaggeration. My advisor has the ability to graduate me and he has the ability to cut off my funding. While my advisor gives me a good deal of freedom about what I work on and how I structure my time, we both understand his power.

Paper deadlines. Computer science publishes mainly in conferences. In my area (programming languages), there are two top conferences and a few other highly-regarded, more specialized conferences. In my area of computer science, each conference takes submissions once a year. Acceptance rates can be as low as 15%. Conference submissions are full-length papers; small differences in presentation can make the difference between “accept” and “reject.”

During the 2-3 weeks before a deadline, it is normal for me to work 10-12 hours on weekdays and 8-10 hours on weekend days. One senior graduate student told me what makes or breaks a (computer science) grad student is their ability to “bust their butt” for a deadline. During this time he was working 80 hours a week to finish up a project.

Success. Besides the coarse “promotion” structure (done with Ph.D. vs. not; tenured vs. not), there are many more nuanced factors that determine an academic’s status: 1) which big discoveries they have made and 2) how well they give the impression that they are making big discoveries. Some of this is measurable (for instance, through publication count and citation index) and some of it is more intangible (for instance, reputation in the community).

Fears of academics include being scooped, being wrong, fading into obscurity, and having insufficient intellectual freedom. Many academics are happy just to avoid these situations.

Life goals. We do have goals--though they may not be as concrete as you might like. We may not talk about them because they are often too lofty (for instance, winning the Nobel Prize or Turing Award) or dependent on variable factors (faculty job at a top school; starting a lucrative company) to discuss. The nature of the pressures and prospects we face, as well as the attitudes of our peers, make it highly likely that we will learn to handle a fair amount of uncertainty and risk. For these reasons it is also common for academics to have goals that depend on specific other people (and specific geographic locations) as little as possible.

Spending time with academics. If the academic in your life is willing to make you their hobby, then you can expect to spend a good deal of time with him or her with variability from paper deadlines, grant deadlines, conference and other travel, and teaching schedules. Otherwise how much you see your academic depends on how many common activities you share. Even if you are considered a good friend, this can range from a few times a week to once every few months.

What does an academic look like? My friend Lan made the video below for a science documentary class to capture the life of a grad student. It features three MIT grad students, including me.


rocks, bands, logic (2012) from Lan Angela Li on Vimeo.

Verve as a CACM Research Highlight

My paper with Chris Hawblitzel "Safe to the Last Instruction: Automated Verification of a Type-Safe Operating System" appeared as a Research Highlight (read here) of the Communications of the Association of Computing Machinery (CACM) in December. This is a shortened version of our 2010 paper appearing at the Programming Language Design and Implementation (PLDI) conference altered for a more general audience.

This paper describes the Verve operating system, the first operating system verified end-to-end and automatically for type safety. This means that programs running in Verve cannot suffer from whole classes of memory-related errors. The main idea of Verve is to implement the operating system in a type-safe language (C#), write a specification for the memory interface between the type-safe parts and the lower-level parts (the C# code does not mess up the stack; the low-level code does not mess up the heap), and verify the low-level parts of the system (in our case, using Boogie that translates to x86 assembly).

An exciting thing is that Xavier Leroy, who is responsible for both OCaml and the CompCert verified C compiler, wrote the Technical Perspective, "Safety First!" He writes, "The formal verification of high-assurance software is making great progress lately. Yang and Hawblitzel's work, along with other recent breakthroughs in software verification such as the seL4 verified microkernel of Klein et al. (see Communications, June 2010, p. 107), were unthinkable 10 years ago. Little by little, one point at a time, these results sketch a promised land where, with mathematical certainty, software does behave properly after all."

Another exciting thing for current graduate students interested in this work is that my Microsoft Research mentor Chris Hawblitzel is looking for a summer intern to work on adding concurrency to Verve. Not only was Chris Hawblitzel amazing for helping me learn everything I needed for this project, but he was also a fun mentor. I recommend that you contact him ASAP if you are interested in working with his this summer.

Research Update: A Language for Automatically Enforcing Privacy Policies

For the last three years, I have been working on things building up to the creation of Jeeves (project website here), a new programming language for automatically enforcing privacy policies. Last week I presented our first paper on Jeeves at the Principles of Programming Language (POPL) conference. You may read our paper here and look over the slides here.

To describe Jeeves I will quote Jacob Aron, who does a good job in this recent New Scientist article:

Even with your friends under control, a software bug could still expose your private data - as Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg himself found out recently when a glitch revealed his photos to the world. To solve this, researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have come up with a new programming language called Jeeves that automatically enforces privacy policies.

Programmers have to explicitly ensure data flowing through their software obeys necessary privacy policies, but it is easy to slip up and let information leak out. Jeeves solves that by substituting the value of variables within the software depending on who the user is. For example, say Alice posts a message but doesn't want anyone but herself to see who wrote it. The programmer can use the variable "author" without worrying what the user sees - when the software runs, Jeeves ensures Alice will see her own name, but everyone else logging in will see "Anonymous".

Jean Yang, who helped develop Jeeves, says the new language lets a programmer delegate privacy responsibilities and concentrate on the actual function of their code, much like a party host might entrust their butler with ensuring the needs of each guest are met so they can spend more time socialising.

Jeeves allows the programmer to provide high-level declarative policies for privacy and rely on the runtime system to automatically produce outputs adhering to these policies. The Jeeves runtime uses symbolic evaluation and constraint-solving in order to do this. We have an implementation of Jeeves as an embedded domain-specific language in Scala. (Code here.)

Next steps for Jeeves include looking at how Jeeves can handle policies for integrity and declassification (in addition to confidentiality) and looking ta how well Jeeves scales for real-world applications.

It says a lot about our research community that languages and solvers are at a point where we can even consider this sort of separation of global concerns from core program functionality. I am excited about a future in which we can continue to make programmers’ lives easier by teasing out and automating concerns such as privacy.

How to Date Women

There seems to be desire among the men in my peer group for more knowledge about how to date women. As a straight woman with many female friends, I believe I can shed some light on how to initiate relationships with (20-something, well-educated, high-achieving, urban, living-in-America) women*.

Where to Meet Women
I have some sympathy for men trying to meet women. As a grad student in a male-dominated field, I had a difficult time looking just for female friends.

Classes and parties are the standard recommendations: I found these to yield moderate success. I made a few (most activity-partner) friends at yoga and acrobatics. I made zero friends at dance classes because of my poor skills. Making random friends at parties requires effort: first an exchange of contact information and then subsequent attempts to meet up.

I had significantly more success meeting women through my friends, especially my female friends. There are good reasons for a single man to maintain platonic opposite-sex friendships: women tend to trust their female friends and also tend to stay away from men their friends have had relations with.

It is useful to make your intentions known. A professor once told us he found his wife by telling a few friends what he wanted and having each friend tell a few other friends. Eventually, word got back to him of a woman in Chicago he might like. He flew to meet her. They married.

Online dating is also an option. Besides the more serious sites like eHarmony and Match, more casual (and free) sites such as OKCupid and Plenty of Fish can be great ways to meet women.

You should avoid pursuing women you work with. Unless they show extreme interest, they will probably appreciate being left alone.

How to Approach Women
It is incredibly empowering to have the confidence and know-how to walk up to a woman and talk to her. (In fact, “pick-up artist” Jerry Tran has made a career out of empowering men in this way.) Think about approaching a woman like you would approach someone important at a conference: you want to make a good impression, but you do not want them to remember you as an idiot or sycophant.

Besides appearing confident and relaxed, your main goal should be to appear interesting and interested in her. An example of a good ice-breaker is a witty comment about something going on around you: for example “Seems like they stole this playlist from my middle school dance!” Another way to strike up a conversation is to identify something interesting about the woman (an accessory, something she is carrying) and ask her about it.

Here are some things that are less good to do:

• Ask if you may introduce yourself to her. Just do it.
• Comment on her beauty. Not too creative.
• Open with an offensive remark. A self-respecting woman will walk away.
• Go from woman to woman with the same lines.
• Stand around the woman for a long time without talking to her. This is just awkward.

That said, most women are polite enough to talk to people who approach them. You should not be intimidated to talk to a woman who you think is cooler, smarter, and/or better looking than yourself. You must have some redeeming qualities she could appreciate. Figure out what those are and convey them to her.

If you are nervous about meeting people, you may benefit from this advice I gave a friend for giving a talk: take deep breaths to trick your parasympathetic nervous system into relaxation mode. Remember you are awesome; visualize what you want to happen.

How to Ask Women Out
Most women like men who are not afraid to go after what they want. If you want to ask a girl out, the most important thing is to do it.

Here are some techniques for asking a woman out:

• Determine common interests and find a related activity (examples: restaurant, concert).
• Ask if you may call--you need a certain amount of (perhaps Southern) charm to pull this off.
• Get her number or add her on Facebook. Ask her out after chatting or texting.

First dates are usually weeknights: weekend evenings are valuable social real estate and weekend dates signal either a less-than-full social calendar or a high amount of interest. You should also ask for a date at least three days in advance.

Here are some acceptable dates:

• Coffee, lunch, or drinks. This could be interpreted as a date or more casually. Some women may be more comfortable with this because it allows you to explore your chemistry and compatibility without too much pressure.
• Dinner. This is usually a more serious date since it is a bigger time commitment. For a first date it is probably best not to go somewhere too formal.
• Social event. It may be good to make it clear that it is a date, perhaps through the type of event (for instance, dinner party) and/or the way you interact with her during the event.

Here are some behaviors to avoid:

• Deciding unilaterally on a time and location.
• Being obsessive about planning the date.
• Persisting when she does not show interest.
• Becoming angry when she rejects you.

How to Go on a Date
Many male friends have wondered what modern chivalry looks like--or if this is even a legitimate concept. Holding doors, helping with coats, and pulling out chairs are charming unless they feel overdone or chauvinistic. Paying is a trickier issue, especially on the first date: some women expect the man to pay, some like to split, and others like to pay. The safe route is to offer to pay. Most women will probably want to split the bill after a few dates.

On the initial dates, it is a balancing act not to scare the woman away while still revealing key aspects of your life. It is best to avoid in-depth discussion of previous relationships, family issues, and other potentially sensitive topics. Your date should not become your closest confidante after only a couple of hours of conversation.

You should take care in your appearance and dress appropriately for where you are going.

It is important to show up on time.

She’s Just Not That Into You
There are many reasons a woman may not be interested: you are not her type; she is focusing on her career; she loves another. Here are some signs:

• She does not say yes.
• She says she is busy during the proposed time and does not offer an alternate time.
• She tries to do something more casual than what you suggested.
• She invites her friends to the “date.”
• She tells you she is not interested.

If it seems like a woman is rejecting you, it may be acceptable to ask for clarification. If a woman rejects you, you should not ask her to introduce you to her friends.

Working on Yourself
If you are not meeting or dating the kinds of women you like, it may be time to work on yourself.

Small details can make a big difference. A friend’s physical therapist once told him never to skimp on haircuts and shoes. A female friend suggests that men take care in grooming (nails, facial hair, eyebrows) and personal hygiene (shower after physical activity; wear clean clothes; wear cologne on occasion).

It may be useful to have goals about an image you would like to cultivate. I have a male friend who, whenever he updates his wardrobe, carefully considers the male archetypes he aspires to be and optimizes his purchases to bring him closer to these archetypes.

That said, attractive men have a clear idea of who they are and what they like to do. You should spend time developing your hobbies, interests, and values. We may find them incompatible with ours, but we will respect you for knowing who you are.

Parting Words
It is best to start with an idea of your goals: what kind of woman you would be most compatible with and what kind of relationship you are looking for. Remember to have fun: whatever happens, your experiences can teach you a good deal and provide you with interesting stories!

* Those pursuing more casual arrangements should have a level of game outside the scope of this piece.

Run Your Research in Racket

One of the most fun talks at the Principles of Programming Languages (POPL) conference this year was about Redex, a Racket-based system for lightweight mechanization of programming language semantics. This system allows people to encode their language semantics and theorems in the Racket programming language (the new face of Scheme). The programmer can then play with example programs evaluated using these semantics and use random testing to validate their theorems. This is a much lighter-weight alternative for getting formalisms right than using interactive proof assistants such as Coq. You may read more on the project website.

Resolutions for 2012

In Influence, Robert Cialdini writes that people should exploit their own sense of consistency and publicly announce goals they are trying to achieve. Here are my New Year's resolutions.

1. Be nicer. Making other people happy is not only nice, but it also gets you out of your head and makes you happier. I would like to give more genuine compliments, take more time to listen to people, and take more time to help people. Concrete goal: Do at least one thing for someone else each day.
   
2. Be funnier. I think I am hilarious; the world does not always seem to understand. Everyone would benefit if I improved how I convey my sense of humor. I purchased a Groupon for classes at the Improv Asylum; I also plan to pay more attention to what other people find funny. Concrete goal: Each week, make at least one person I do not know that well laugh.
   
3. Keep my spaces neater. Part of growing up involves having more discipline about how I present myself. Part of this presentation involves my living and work spaces. I have previously been of the view that having a cluttered desk is a sign of productivity, but I hypothesize that having a clear desk will help clear my mind. Concrete goal: Clear the clutter in my office and apartment by Sunday evening each week.
   
4. Get enough sleep. I am a happier, healthier, and more productive (and thus nicer, funnier) person when I have slept sufficiently. Concrete goal: Average 7.5 hours of sleep per night in 2012.
   
5. Keep up better with current events. What counts as "current events" in my life has devolved to what people post in my Facebook feed. I would like to take some time to optimize my process for engaging with relevant news, blogs, friend updates, and Twitter updates. (I recently discovered Google Currents, which I like quite a bit.) Concrete goal: Read one article about an event in the world each day.
   

I welcome you to call me out if you catch me slipping.

A Taste of Peru

I just returned from a week in Peru with my extended family. (Photos here.) The Andean scenery is incredible, the blend of Incan and Spanish history is fascinating (short summary: the Spanish stuck crosses on top of everything), and its mixed-race population has a beautiful, distinctive look. Wireless internet is surprisingly ubiquitous--a phenomenon perhaps explained by tourism being Peru's most rapidly growing industry (see Wikipedia).

It is important to show up to Peru with an appetite: food is central to Peruvian culture. Peruvian cuisine seems similar to, if a bit lighter than, Mexican cuisine. Peru's main crop is corn: they have a large-kernel corn that was quite novel and delicious. Tomatoes and cereals such as quinoa feature prominently in Peruvian cuisine. Peru is also known for its ceviche, which is raw fish marinated in lime. Dishes I have never seen elsewhere include alpaca meat and guinea pig meat. Peruvians also have great desserts, including a tres leches cake, rice pudding, and a purple corn pudding.

We spent three days in the highland city of Cuzco, former Incan cultural center and a major Peruvian tourist destination. We saw the archaeological ruins of Saqsayhuaman, a stone fortress complex that provides an incredible view of the city. We took a day trip (3.5 hours each way by train, as an alternative to the four-day Inca Trail hike) to Machu Picchu, the 15th century Incan city in the clouds never conquered by the Spanish and famously "discovered" by Yale professor Hiram Bingham in 1911. (See photo.) Back in Cuzco, we toured the Cathedral of San Domingo, which was formerly an Inca temple: the combination of the Inca stonework foundation and the 16th-century Spanish religious oil paintings was fascinating. Finally, we made a trip to the Sacred Valley, where we visited the market in the town of Pisaq and toured the archaeological ruins of Ollantaytambo, which had a valley village surrounded by stone-lined terraces and stone structures in the surrounding Andean slopes. Ollantaytambo was my favorite site because of its breathtaking scale: the hills surrounding the village are completely covered with beautiful stone structures (and they rolled the stones up the mountains themselves!). (See photo.) Travel tip for those visiting the Cuzco area: bring a warm jacket and drink lots of water to combat the effects of high altitude.

During our day in Lima, our expert half-Chinese, half-Peruvian tour guide Tino showed us the Incan remnants and Chinese restaurants in the district of Miraflores. (Lima has many Chinese immigrants and, according to Tino, over 3,000 Chinese restaurants. Peruvians even have a term chifa--based on the Chinese 酒饭, "food and drink"--that refers to Chinese Peruvian cuisine.) Lima is a modern city that reminds me of Los Angeles with its smog and abundant palm trees and of Brussels with its large neoclassical urban monuments and wide roads. The two most prominent themes of tour were the Pacific Ocean (see photo of the view from dinner) and the Catholic cross (see photo of Pizarro's initial cross). We visited El Parque del Amor, Lima's main square, a random gastronomical museum, and the beautiful Monastery of San Francisco, which has incredible 17th century Sevillan tiles and incredibly creepy catacombs (with human remains sorted by bone!) below. I would love to spend more time in Lima seeing more of the architecture and getting to know its fusion of Incan and Spanish cultures.

For those of you considering such a vacation, the actual travel to Peru is not so bad. It is about a 9-hour flight to and from Los Angeles. We flew red-eye both ways; nine hours is actually an ideal length of time for a red-eye because you can comfortably fit in two meals and a semi-decent night's sleep.

As we were traveling in a large group (with many teenagers) for a short time, our trip consisted of going from site to site via various modes of transportation. I would love to return to Peru to spend more time engaging with the culture and terrain (for instance, eating at local restaurants and hiking the Inca Trail). And with a better camera!

Reasons to Pursue a Ph.D.

Several months ago, I spoke with a former schoolmate who is considering whether to leave Google to pursue a Ph.D. Since I like to believe I make good decisions, I immediately gave a rundown of the pros. As a responsible advice-giver, I initiated the same conversation between the schoolmate and a Ph.D. graduate whom I know to be actively against recommending graduate school. Surprised I could agree with so many of the cons, I reevaluated my stance and again convinced myself that graduate school is worthwhile. I discuss the reasons in this post.

There are many reasons not to go to graduate school. If you are in computer science, your income will be about a quarter of your market value. (There will also be no onsite massages or free dry cleaning.) You will probably be working on problems that are difficult to explain to your friends and family. You may not see positive results for months, even years. Even if you get results, your work may not have impact on the greater society for years—maybe never. Nobody will understand you or your work, including your fellow graduate students, who will often be unhappy. After you graduate, you will find that you did not need a Ph.D. for what you end up doing. And then you will cry.

Less hedonistic people will tell you to endure this suffering for longer-term goals: that faculty position, that job in science policy. As someone who believes in short-term pleasure, I have other reasons for recommending a Ph.D. While I would not mind becoming a rock-star professor, I am in graduate school for the freedom and for the opportunities. Graduate school is an all-you-can eat buffet for ideas and self-development. Rather than serving as a mercenary in implementing someone else's vision, I am paying (with opportunity cost and time) for the chance to solve open-ended problems of my choosing. In realizing the solutions, I can choose which skills to focus on developing: for instance, delivering a talk. In exploring questions, I have access to the experts in their fields. I can even call random companies to ask questions about their operations. (I have done this.) I also have access to almost every course at my university, as well as the library collection and academic journal subscriptions. As long as I can demonstrate progress on a potentially interesting problem, nobody complains. Even if I do not use my Ph.D. in my future career, it will have been a fun (and productive) few years.

The freedom and opportunities of graduate school also extend to lifestyle. Graduate school is conducive to a fabulous lifestyle—and I mean this seriously. Since entering graduate school I have become an avid yogi, explored aerial acrobatics, and co-founded Graduate Women at MIT, which now has over 800 mailing list members, two annual conferences, and a mentoring program. Since entering graduate school, I have traveled—for work and for pleasure—to Ireland, Canada, Germany, Serbia, Romania, Hungary, Austria, China, Belgium, Peru, and various US locations. I have a fantastic social network of fellow graduate students, many of whom have similarly rich life interests. (My officemate does bike racing; several friends do outdoors activities almost every weekend; another friend has had his own company for several years.) I am also in a book club called Whiskey and Words: we discuss literature over scotch. The flexibility and community of grad school have facilitated the exploration of my personal interests.

Before you get too envious, I should admit that graduate school is not always a party. With the freedom to choose what you work on comes with the possibility that what you work on may not be interesting valuable to anyone else. My first paper with my advisor was rejected five times over the course of two years before it was accepted to a major conference. I have spent months working on ideas and implementations that I will not ultimately show to the world. For the majority of my time in grad school, I have worked alone with my advisor or internship mentors. Fear not that I am some sort of happy freak: I have done my time in states of questioning, despair, and isolation. The struggle, however, has been part of the learning process: of developing my taste in research problems and of learning how to realize a high-level vision. It helps that I have a high risk tolerance and do not take myself that seriously—and that I have a sun lamp to augment the short days of Cambridge winter (made shorter by occasional deadline-driven visits to Samoan time*).

A caveat is that various logistical advantages have contributed to my positive experience. For my first three years, I was supported by a fellowship that gave me some flexibility and bargaining power. I have an advisor who works closely with me, believes in the work, and gives me a fair amount of freedom. (It also helps that he is an assistant professor who is, arguably, on a more demanding clock than I am.) I have also done a couple of internships at Microsoft Research that have helped me both establish additional credibility in my field and finance a more luxurious lifestyle. Not everyone has the advisor and/or funding situation that yields such freedom: it is important to ask the right questions to know what to expect.

If you like the freedom to work on open-ended questions, then graduate school may be a good fit. Pursuing a Ph.D. provides amazing opportunities not just to make an impact in your field, but also to develop life skills and to indulge in personal exploration. While there are tradeoffs (financial, time, and other), pursuing a Ph.D. is an experience I recommend**.

* Computer science conferences seem to have decided midnight Samoan time is the most fair time for paper submission cut-off.
** This is only based on the first 3.5 years of my Ph.D. We will see how I feel in a couple of years.

Ramping up the Graduate Women at MIT blog

Graduate Women at MIT now has a new blogging initiative. If you have been following my blog to hear about gender/women in science issues, please follow the GWAMIT blog as well!

Lessons from Startup Bootcamp

I recently attended Startup Bootcamp, a one-day free workshop that brings in startup founders to talk about lessons learned. Here are some brief notes about what I learned from each speaker:

• Paul English, Kayak. The team is most important: assemble the best possible team and advisors.
• Leah Culver, Convore. Show up and do something. It might be hard work.
• Andrew Sutherland, Quizlet. Dogfood your product.
  
• Naveen Selvadurai, Foursquare. Build around an atomic action.
• Charlie Cheever, Quora. Looking at qualitative data is important.
  
• Drew Houston, Dropbox. Surround yourself with people you want to be like.
  
• Alex Polvi, Cloudkick. Take care of your team.
  
• Anthony Volodkin, Hype Machine. Just fucking do something.
• Nathan Blecharczyk, Airbnb. Work hard, be creative, and keep pushing forward.
• Patrick Collison, Stripe. Starting a company is a great way to apply academic ideas.
  

The 3000-attendee registration and the number of business people looking for tech cofounders confirmed that we are indeed in a bubble.

Caramelized Leek Soup

A great dish to try as you brace for colder weather is caramelized leek soup, which requires about an hour of preparation in a heavy kettle. I tried it with ciabatta bread (for dipping) and broiled chicken with roasted green beans for the main course.

Moving in Cambridge

This past weekend, I moved in time to bunker down for Hurricane Irene (which proved to be little more than a windy storm for Cambridge, MA). As most of my previous moves have involved primarily storage/shipping, I'm a little late to the game when it comes to knowing how moving works. During my move I learned the following:

• Do not move on September 1 if you can help it. I haven't ever done this myself, but our move was initially scheduled for September 1 and it was difficult even to reserve a UHaul--and this was at the beginning of August. If you have to move September 1, plan early.
• If you can't get a UHaul, try the suburbs. We initially had non-overlapping apartment leases (Aug. 31/Sept. 1) and needed to reserve a truck overnight to store our things. We ended up finding one about an hour outside Cambridge.
• Cambridge issues moving van permits. You can apply for one here but they will cost you money and it may not be honored. I paid $45 for two spots and even though the city put up signs, cars occupied the spots for the duration of my move.
• Wardrobe boxes are brilliant. Wardrobe boxes (available at the UHaul store and other places) allow you to hang your clothing intact onto a built-in bar. They take up a lot of space, though.
• Becoming a minimalist is a good idea. I don't think of myself as someone who likes having a lot of stuff, but apparently I have too many things to move comfortably. I have been making good use of the MIT reuse list, the Planet Aid clothes/shoes donation box at MIT, and the book/item exchanges in my building for giving things away.

From my roommate I also learned some cool things about the car-sharing company Zipcar:

• MIT has a great Zipcar deal where students pay $25 a year.
• If your Zipcard does not work, Zipcar can remotely open the trunk of a Zipcar, where backup cards are waiting. They will be able to remotely activate a new card for you.

I am currently looking forward to the September 1 looting, which occurs when everybody moving out realizes they have too much stuff and begins selling/giving away things. Being a minimalist may limit my options somewhat.

Google Sites: Why I Believe in WYSIWYG Again

If you have been looking for a mindlessly easy way to create and host slick-looking websites, your life is about to get a heck of a lot better.

I recently discovered that Google Sites provides an amazingly usable interface for creating websites without programming. Sites I've created using Google Sites include a site for Graduate Women at MIT (screen shot to the left) and a personal wiki for posting links to useful things. In this post, I describe what you can use Google Sites for, what you can't use Google Sites for, and how to get started using Google sites.

Google Sites is really done well--not only does it provide support for a comprehensive set of website creation actions, but it also gets the little things right. It has the following advantages:

• Easy creation of websites, wikis, blogs, etc. You can edit web pages the way you edit Google Docs. Google Sites has four built-in templates: a regular website (editable almost exactly like a Google Doc), an announcements page (for making a blog-like page) a file cabinet (for uploading files), and a list (for entering spreadsheet items). This makes it quite easy to public many kinds of content.
• Easy publishing of content such as spreadsheets, documents, calendars, and photos. Google supports easy embedding of other Google technologies such as Docs, GCal calendars, and Picasa photos/albums.
• Collaborative site editing. Google Sites has the same collaborative editing format as Google Docs, making it easy for several people to work on a website together.
• Automation of site creation tasks. Google Sites gets many of the details right. For instance, you can copy and paste the contents of another website into a Google Site with the formatting preserved and images appropriately displayed and linked. Google Sites also makes it easier to include an image: it supports automatic resizing and automatically inserts a link (which can easily be removed) to the real photo.
• Customizable templates. Google Sites supports many design templates and also allows the user to change properties such as the appearance of the navigation map (along the top or on the side, tabs or boxes, etc.) and colors and fonts for the text. Google Sites also allows the user to insert a logo into the header (More actions > Manage site > Site layout > change logo)--the GWAMIT site above was done this way.
• Escape hatches. You can view and edit the HTML source of any page. I find this helpful when there is a weird space I can't get rid of in the Sites editor--WYSIWYG* can only take you so far.

If you want to make a site with a unique design or a lot of functionality, Google Sites may not be the way to go. As for design, Google imposes a fairly standard template onto the site and doesn't allow editing of style sheets, making it difficult to get a page with a different format. As for functionality, it is not completely straightforward to embed Javascript for things like Facebook Community pages and Twitter feeds. Google Sites does allow the user to insert Gadgets wrapping HTML/Javascript, so it should be possible to wrap arbitrary functionality inside a Gadget and then put it in the page. (There is at least one gadget for wrapping Javascript, but it didn't work for me.) I found this helpful post about creating a Google Gadget to wrap Javascript to display a Twitter feed.

To get started with Google sites, go to sites.google.com, activate your account, and start making pages. To create a new site, click "Create new site." Once you choose a template and a name, you'll be directed to a page for editing your site's homepage, the page that shows up under http://sites.google.com/site/[your site name]. You can edit this site just like a Google Doc. You may also create other pages for your site, link to them, move them, etc. Google has a nice getting started guide here.

* What You See Is What You Get.

From GWAMIT: Do women prefer the "mommy track?"

I have a post on the Grad Women at MIT blog expressing my disagreements with the conclusions of this article, "Why the Gender Gap Won't Go Away. Ever."

Before Grilling Season is Over, Try Watermelon

I was recently made aware of NY Times food columnist Mark Bittman's recipe for grilled watermelon and prepared it for the first time yesterday. Grilled watermelon burgers with cheese are a surprisingly delicious combination of sweet and savory flavors. They are also quite easy to make. I recommend being generous with salt and pepper and also using a milder cheese.

Clothes Shopping on a Grad Student Budget

The bottom of my wallet has been taunting me this summer, my first without a Microsoft internship. Determined not to let the halving of my income degrade my quality of life, I have been investigating lower-cost alternatives to my usual indulgences. Initially skeptical of buying used goods, I have made significant spending reductions in the clothing category by turning to thrift and consignment stores.

The main reason to buy used clothing is to acquire interesting accent pieces (either vintage or design) that are higher quality and interesting than comparably-priced alternatives at department or chain stores. My prized vintage purchases (both under $20) include a purple dolman-sleeved button-down dress and a black dice print dress with dice buttons on the back. My favorite gently-worn designer purchases (both under $30) include a khaki Marc Jacobs jacket and a gold-sequin Trina Turk shirt. I have compiled the following tips for picking out interesting/appropriate/timeless pieces among used clothes.

First of all, thrift and consignment stores can be quite confusing to navigate due to the large amount of and variety in the clothing. Here are some tips for approaching the shopping experience:

• Figure out how the store is organized. Racks may be organized by color, by size, or by some other criteria. Figuring out the organization of the store can help you find what you want much more quickly.
  
• Browse methodically. It's can be overwhelming to browse at random when there is only one garment per look/size/color, so it can be good to pick a category (for instance, summer t-shirts) and look only in that category until you are finished.
  
• Have an idea of what cut, colors, fabrics you are looking for. This goes for clothes shopping in general, but being able to quickly rule out items of clothing will make your shopping experience much more efficient. Knowing what size you are in different brands will also help.
  

Once you have found an article of clothing that you like, you should make sure it is a worthwhile purchase. Here are things I have learned:

• Check the quality of the clothing. Carefully inspect the garment for stains and tears. Make sure the garment will not fall apart after one washing.
  
• Don't go for trendy pieces. If someone else has already given away a piece of trendy clothing, you may not be able to get much more wear out of it.
  
• Recognize good brands and watch out for fakes. Having a good sense of which brands make clothing that will last through a few washing and wearings will help you pick out worthwhile purchases. Knowing which brands tend to make poor-quality trendy pieces will also help you avoid bad purchases. It is also important to watch out for fakes.
  

I recommend buying the following things used:

• Statement pieces. It may be a combination of the fact that people tire of statement pieces quickly and that they don't get reworn too much, but I come across quite a few interesting shirts in good condition.
  
• Cardigans and layering pieces. It's nice to have many of them, they usually aren't what make an outfit interesting, and it does not matter that they look brand new. Also, I have found more than one nice cardigan for $10.
  
• Leather belts. A tip from my friend Rachel, who finds belts on eBay: these seem to hold up pretty well and cost much less used.
  
• Vintage-style clothing. Vintage pieces look cooler if they look more authentic and you could potentially find something nice for a fraction of the designer vintage-chic price.
  
• Formal dresses. Formal dresses often do not get much wear: I have seen very nice dresses at consignment stores for very low prices. (I have seen a Vera Wang silk evening gown for something like $38 at the Garment District.)
  

I would advise acquiring button-down shirts caution: I've had to resew the buttonholes on a couple of shirts.

Here are some thrift and consignment stores around Boston:

• The Garment District: this place has everything: a dollar-a-pound section for random lucky finds, a costume section, gently-worn designer, and gently-worn other used clothing.
  
• Poor Little Rich Girl: a chain of well-curated gently-worn designer.
  
• Second Time Around: another chain of well-curated gently-worn designer.
  
• Raspberry Beret: "consignment, vintage, and unique items."
  

I have a friend who also likes Boomerang's, but more for furniture and home items. Have fun!

Implicit Bias and Affirmative Action

A few weeks ago, the MIT Tech ran an opinion piece "It's good to be king" ("Innate ability may explain gender gaps") raising questions about the "deeply suspicious" nature of the "subtle bias" used to justify measures taken to increase participation of women in the sciences at MIT. This well-written piece argued that the gender-dependence of intelligence variability may explain the gaps of women in the sciences. The Tech ran a subsequent counterpoint "Intelligence variability is not gender-dependent" that argues against the intelligence variability claim, pointing out that this is not true across cultures.

I am glad that The Tech is taking on this interesting question and would encourage them to dig a bit deeper into the literature of and issues surrounding gender inequity in the sciences. I wrote a Letter to the Editor that ran yesterday about how in the argument about affirmative action, it is important to consider the (often implicit) biases that the action is intended to counteract.